Steve says that it is the woman's fault if their man is a Mama's boy. He says "stop coming up with excuses and realize that he is a mama's boy because you let him be."
He uses a letter he received as an example. The lady was writing because her husband had left the house at 10:42pm because his mother called to help him bake cakes for a fundraiser the next day. She was wondering if she married a man or a boy?
Initially, I thought, of course, he is a mama's boy. Steve doesn't deny that the husband is a mama's boy but he tells the woman that if she hasn't set any standards or requirements for her man than he is going to follow the woman that did, which is his mother.
He says that the woman needed to set up her own requirements which were mainly dealing with respecting her and the family and putting them first. Since she hadn't done that, he left the house that night to make some cakes.*lol*
He says that the woman cannot compete with the mother but she could have some control over what she can. She could have said something, to the effect, that she knew he loved his mother but it is not acceptable and if he goes then he needs to stay the night. Then the ball would be in his court and he can either go or stand up to his mother. I don't think Steve is saying that the woman needs to make the man cut his mother off but he is saying that the woman needs to make it clear that her husband need to respect her and that the family comes first after God.
One thing I like about this book is that even though, on the surface, Steve Harvey seems to be telling the woman everything we may be doing wrong, if you look a little deeper, he is right on a lot of points. It all makes sense. If the woman is letting the man just get up and go to help his mother when he has family obligations and she has been holding it in or trying to cut the man and mother's relationship, it does nothing to help the two of them and she is letting it happen.
So let's hear it men and women. Ladies, what do you think of Steve saying it is our fault? Are you dealing with or have dealt with a mama's boy? How did you deal with it? Guys, are you a mama's boy? Would you tell your mama 'no' if she asked you to come bake some cakes?:)
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I think Steve is so right about the Mom having standards that she has set for her son early and expects. Plus when you think about it Mom has had x number of years getting to know this man. I tell my boys all the time I've known you longer than anyone! :-)
ReplyDeleteAll Moms do this to their sons if they take an active role in raising them to be good men. If you have a wife that does not set standards and if the husband has not made that shift from being a boy to being a man... then I think there are definately going to be problems.
I wonder how I will be when my son gets a girlfriend. I will have to try not to run her away *lol* But this means that if she lets him be a mama's boy it is not my fault, it is her fault:)
ReplyDeleteAn older lady at church was telling me and another newlywed lady years ago about how when she first married her husband he had asked or expected her to do things like clean up after him. She said that she told him that she's not his mother and that he should go back to living with her if he wants things done for him. lol Cracked us up.
ReplyDeleteIf he was a mama's boy before he married her, I'm sure he isn't now.
I recently broke it off with a mama's boy. I think it's a shame and has a lot to do with immaturity. This is truly sick to me. Men can love and respect their mothers but the boundaries should be clear and strong. I'd like to know how women are supposed to deal with this behavior early on in a relationship. When you are just getting to know a guy and he pulls the "she's my mother" card. It's almost like an untouchable subject - you are automatically accused of trying to break them apart, come between them somehow, steal him away. The mentality is that, yes he has known and loved her his whole life and you've only known him a few months! How do you compete and should you even bother? I didn't.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you can compete because it is his mother but I do think that the man has to be ready to have someone else in his life. If he is not ready to share himself with another woman that I don't think he will be able to stop being that mama's boy early or later in the relationship. My husband has had to deal with the reverse with me. I am VERY close to my parents and it has caused friction in the past. I will be completely honest and say that I would sometimes count on parent’s opinion more than my husbands. Things did not change until I was ready to make the change and realize that I have to depend on someone else, that's another post. *lol* So, I don't think it is a competition but there has to be some compromise. Even early in the relationship, Steve Harvey's advice to be honest and say something is right on. But, we women have to approach the subject the right way. We can't come at the man confrontational or in a stern voice. We have to say it in a way that it does not seem like we are trying to cut them off. It sounds antiquated but it is a reality. After having the conversation, if he can't deal with it or is not willing to try, I would have to re-evaluate as well.
ReplyDeleteLol Reading all of these really cracks me up, because I can relate to just about everyone in some form, its really a hard spot because its difficult to deal with, especially when its baout the parents because its a tough spot. You can't break a mother son relationship up, but its hard to set boundaries because most of the time its looked at like you are just trying to split them apart. My boyfriends mom is a HUGE problem in our relationship because she gets in the middle of all our arguments, he listens to her opinions and doesn't care about mines, he will drop our plans for her and so on so its a hard spot for me, I don't know if I should move on or try to figure out how to make us work.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with a son helping his mom out and a mother asking her son help to make cookies. HOWEVER, the problem here is that the mother should respect her sons new life. The mother knows her son is married, she should understand that at this time of the night he is probably with his wife and children. So if she needed help from him, it was best to ask him at a earlier time.
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